I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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