i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
