Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
