Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
