guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my shit smells like andre
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
