apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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