Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
