Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
