I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
