you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
