Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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