I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize