So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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