I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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