Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
