Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
