YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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