Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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