Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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