Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
