Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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