Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
