its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
