Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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