i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
