he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize