Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
