It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
