The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
