Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
