I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize