I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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