Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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