I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
