Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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