do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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