apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
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