So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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