vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
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