I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
