ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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