the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Fuck appropriateness.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
