my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
