I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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