1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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