When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
