You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
