Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize