Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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