:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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