My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
