he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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