I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
