You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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