I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
