I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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