i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
