remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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