You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
