He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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