why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
