Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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