I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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