the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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