There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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