I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
