Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
