"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
