whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think your dad took our porno
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
