i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
