I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just blew my weed a kiss
Also, beer. Big fan.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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