I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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