How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
