found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
