I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize