Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
