this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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