I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
