Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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